


impaled by like thirty swords on a mountaintop as a passing eagle sheds a single tear

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C (Homestuck), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21608011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: On John's 19th birthday Dave and Karkat decide to stay home.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 14
Kudos: 144





	impaled by like thirty swords on a mountaintop as a passing eagle sheds a single tear

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]  at 22:06 

TG: hey is it cool if we dont make it tonight  
TG: somebodys all tuckered out  
TG: i dont wanna drop any names or anything but its karkat  
TG: dudes out cold and im stuck under him  
TG: i might actually die here john this is my birthday goodbye to you  
EB: oh noo! i’m sorry you’re dying dave but that does sound like a very cute and good way to go.  
TG: yeah i mean i guess i always imagined id get impaled by like thirty swords on a mountaintop as a passing eagle sheds a single tear  
TG: that would probably have been my first choice just in terms of sheer likelihood  
TG: but slowly losing the circulation in my legs due to the suprisingly immense weight of this horny lil head until my heart just says fuck it and stops pumping is a close second  
TG: and apparently also the very real and literal way in which im going to die very soon  
TG: you sure its okay if we dont come?  
EB: yeah it’s totally fine! i don’t need a big thing.  
TG: jades comin tho  
EB: okay, that sounds nice, we can just do something quiet.  
EB: i’ll keep an eye out for her!  
EB: give karkat a squeeze for me, okay?  
TG: way ahead of you bro happy bday well see you soon  
EB: bye :)  


ectoBiologist [EB]  ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

KARKAT: MMM WHAT’D I MISS?  
DAVE: oh hey look whos up  
KARKAT: I'M NOT "UP," DAVE. I HAVEN'T OPENED MY EYES AND AM ONLY VAGUELY AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS. THIS IN NO WAY CONSTITUTES "UP," AND I INTEND TO STAY THIS WAY.  
DAVE: eh close enough  
DAVE: jade just went to johns house for his bday  
KARKAT: OH SHIT THAT’S RIGHT. DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO ACTUALLY GET UP?  
DAVE: naw i just told him we werent gonna make it  
KARKAT: ...IS THAT OKAY? DO YOU THINK HE’LL BE UPSET?  
DAVE: i dont think so i really got the vibe that he just wanted a quiet night in tbh  
DAVE: and if he didnt then good cause jades gonna be there anyway  
DAVE: i genuinely think he doesnt want lots of people around til all hours tho you know  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: besides i got a lot on my plate tonight my agendas just booked to the fuckin gills  
KARKAT: OH YEAH? WHAT’S ON YOUR AGENDA?  
DAVE: okay check it  
DAVE: first i was gonna sit here on the couch watchin some terrible tv with my sleepy ass boyfriends horns diggin into my legs  
DAVE: then maybe get him to wake up enough to hunker down for some prime snugglin  
DAVE: possibly leadin to makeouts of the sloppy variety and beyond, but if not thats chill too  
DAVE: then just lyin here all cozy under a blanket while earth c emeril lagasse or whoever bams us gently off to slumber  
DAVE: at least thats my plan i dont know what the hells on your schedule  
KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS REALLY NICE. I WANT TO DO THAT FOR MY WRIGGLING DAY TOO.  
DAVE: awesome sweet new birthday tradition  
DAVE: i mean honestly it sounds suspiciously like our run of the mill non birthday night tradition  
DAVE: but dont tell anybody that nobodys gotta know our secret  
KARKAT: ...YOU’RE SURE JOHN WON’T BE DISAPPOINTED?  
KARKAT: NOT THAT I DON’T WANT TO JUST STAY IN TOO, BUT AS EXCUSES GO FOR MISSING YOUR BEST BUDDY’S BIRTHDAY, WANTING TO WATCH BAD TV TIL YOU PASS OUT IS NOT A GREAT ONE.  
DAVE: yeah maybe youre right...  
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: okay heres the new plan  
DAVE: well go over to his house tomorrow  
DAVE: since we already kinda fucked today up and i am irretrievably comfy right now  
KARKAT: MM.  
DAVE: we go over bright an early  
DAVE: we whip up a sick all day agenda just for him  
DAVE: con air, cake, and conaughey(mc)  
DAVE: the three cs for earth c  
KARKAT: WOW, IT’S LIKE POETRY.  
DAVE: course it is everything outta my mouth is a lyrical balm to the ears  
DAVE: weve been livin together for years now how have you possibly not caught on to this yet  
DAVE: havent you noticed your ears are in a constant state of balminess?  
KARKAT: WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT, IT’S DEFINITELY CONSTANT.  
DAVE: oh damn comin at me hard here  
DAVE: i cannot believe im gettin accused of talkin a lot  
DAVE: in my own home  
DAVE: by mr karkat w vantas  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: the w obviously stands for wont shut the fuck up  
DAVE: or maybe fuckin walter or somethin thats 6 letters  
KARKAT: *WALTER??*  
DAVE: yeah i donno why not  
KARKAT: BECAUSE TROLLS DON’T HAVE RIDICULOUS SECRET THIRD NAMES HIDDEN BETWEEN OUR REGULAR NAMES, THAT’S WHY NOT!  
DAVE: yeah well maybe you should i think you could definitely rock walter  
KARKAT: NO YOU DON’T.  
DAVE: yeah youre right i dont that would be so goddamn weird  
DAVE: please dont get a middle name karkat and if you do please try to make it somethin cool and alieny i donno if i could handle you with a serious old man human name  
KARKAT: DON’T WORRY, I THINK YOU’RE SAFE.  
DAVE: cool  
KARKAT: I GUESS YOUR VOICE IS KIND OF BALMY. BUT BEAR IN MIND WHERE I GREW UP THE AIR WAS FILLED WITH THE SCREAMS OF THE DYING AND THE INCESSANT WHIR OF MURDER DRONES, SO THAT’S PRETTY MUCH MY BASIS FOR COMPARISON.  
DAVE: shit you know what ill take it  
DAVE: at least get somethin worthwhile outta that crazy ass place  
DAVE: apart from you obviously that goes without sayin  
KARKAT: (:B  
DAVE: okay if were actually gonna get up early for john tomorrow and not continue our reign as lame ass slacker friends of the year, maybe we should start movin tonights schedule along  
KARKAT: OKAY, COME DOWN HERE THEN. LET’S SEE SOME OF THAT ”PRIME SNUGGLIN” I’VE BEEN HEARING SO MUCH ABOUT.  
DAVE: oh it is the most prime just grade a pasture raised cruelty free gently coddled and loved as one of the family before gettin its brains blown out and body systematically ripped apart because that is actually how meat works  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD SHUT UP AND JUST GET DOWN HERE.  
DAVE: kay  



End file.
